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How to Enjoy

by Herbert Walker

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1.
50/50 03:53
Ease up when you get 
just too tired of it
 don't live too long 
forth even if slouched 
you're ideal enough 
mate with yourself 
and what lies between and around How bout here or 
there it sure feels 
fifty-fifty
 people walking 
talking music 
comes out of our
 ears into the
 speakers waves lap 
onto beach and 
beach laps onto 
wave and we almost
 didn't notice Everyone's allowed 
to flicker in and out
 some bulbs are made
 just for that
 our perfect round heads
 voices of saints speak 
in code waves beeps Wednesday traffic 
just looks more like
 Sunday church pre-
 cession plucking 
back the kiddos 
pushing past the 
exits we all
 seem not knowing
 which one's mine or 
yours or theirs and 
pray not to feel
s light discomfort
 or unfairness 
eternal spring break 
summer October-
 fest March Madness 
living's more like 
dying dreaming's
 vacation waves lap
 onto beach and
 beach laps onto
 wave and waves lap
 onto beach and 
beach laps onto
 wave and
2.
Holesome 04:17
This new invention
 the gift of forgetting 
not just entertainment
 not quite onanism 
coming home from a long day 
whoring around
 fall into the 
World's Most Comfortable Chair™ 
counting holes in me
 it's so holesome 'cause I know
 and I know 
if I feel ready, I'm mistaken
 maybe, maybe not Something slips out 
the west window where the light comes in 
and with it my doubts, my attempts
 at being everybody and everyone.
 If it hurts it's working
 gorgeous, lonesome, but I know 
already know 
If I feel finished, I'm misguided
 maybe, maybe not
3.
One night I was dreaming 
the sums of my parts 
two little men 
appeared in my room at 
three a.m., proceeded
 to remove me 
from my comfort
 and my pain 
my family and friends
 looked more like a film
 humans more inhumane I'm working real hard to 
undo all we ought to 
I'm tired of being here This world's gonna eat me 
hold me breastfeed me
 seventy degrees 
least of my worries
 sunny and easy 
I feel too tired
 You probably need sleep then
 really why but really though
 A million ten billion 
trillion sextillion
 bagillion gazillion 
reptilian pavilion times
 Million ten billion 
trillion sextillion
 bagillion gazillion times. Bonfires of gathered atheists
 weather balloons in the dusk sky
 clouds in the gradient 
a neighbor's rocket test flight
 soldier ant mines
 woven under Stonehenge.
 Grab someone warm
 gather round the void
 the eclipse is about to begin
 all love ends in divorce,
 heads rolling down the steps. I'm working real hard to
 undo all we ought to 
I'm tired of being here. This world's gonna eat me 
hold me breastfeed me 
seventy degrees 
least of my worries
 sunny and easy 
I feel too tired
 You probably need sleep then 
really why but really though 
A million ten billion
 trillion sextillion
 bagillion gazillion 
reptilian pavilion times
 Million ten billion
 trillion sextillion
 bagillion gazillion times
 Dorian Lydian
 Mesopotamian
 Hydrogen Cadmium
 the New Millenium 
High-definition
 super cognition
 the future is positive
 delete all the negatives
 A billion ten billion 
trillion sextillion
 bagillion gazillion 
reptilian pavilion times
 Million ten billion
 trillion sextillion 
Brazilian vaudevillian times
4.
is the world gonna end 
am I losing all my friends 
is it too soon to give up 
is it too late to begin 
am I ever gonna change
 or will I stay the same 
always maximizing pleasure 
minimizing pain
 will I grow up to be sad
 under some heavy hand
 waking with regret
 for potential that I had Hello all my grandmas
 Hello all my grandads
 loving letters signed from
 Mussolini's great-grandson feel myself turning green 
every time I turn the page
 younger every day
 more senile with age 
am I walking in a trap
 a power trip or nap 
inches close to home
 on my meditation app
 is this anxiety
 self-fulfilling prophecy 
is it forward thinking 
or reverse psychology
5.
Up Down 02:49
Notice all the houses
 we eat and sleep 
and make babies in
 Notice the bright
 entertaining bubble letters: up, down, up, down, up, down, up Kiss me, we're all prisoner's baby 
It's all coming back, it's
 all coming back now
 Love me, make a caricature of me
 When our number's called 
it doesn't mean done
 The best and worst 
has yet to come:
6.
A warning sign
 planets aligned 
three days behind I left the lights on 
the speakers on 
the smart people just went on
 all night long
 about TV shows and art
 what is and what is not And the streets all flood with joy 
the music and noise
 someone draws a crowd
 drawing a blank Poison is the choice 
these are empty cups 
trophies for your plastic case 
a pink border around your
 vanity plate Someone show me a sign 
tell me what these are 
is it better to be real
 or look the part
7.
B12 04:25
Happy hour 
try-me button
 rope and switch
 whatever the opposite of 
a wonderful time is 
not for them not for you but for me
 not for them but for me Give whatever got whatever 
bought and sold 
eating vitamin B12 and bread
 around the spots of mold
 someone I once knew 
dancing naked in the mirror I am not a piece of garbage 
I'll tattoo that in reverse on
 my neck and face and arms
 not for them not for you but for me 
not for you but for me Daddy's chopping trees 
cursing the sky
 and my momma's manic baking 
till it's safe to go outside 
just to warm the dusty plate
 empty room 
quite the holiday or two We don't dream these days
 we think out loud 
it hasn't rained in twenty years
 our clothes are made of
grasshoppers now
 someone I
 someone I once knew 
someone I once knew The bees are white and 
all the sky's red as a sore 
the World Record Oldest Tree 
is not the oldest anymore 
don't regret not getting your degree
 wouldn't do much anything
8.
It's Alive 03:59
If you want to leave me 
I promise I won't get angry
 You don't have to believe it Just let me be a little naive I'm out on a limb
 Not out of my mind
 Give it some time I could never show you
 Just how much I owe you
 It's bigger than my ego 
I'll learn to love it or 
Learn to let it go 
You're out of my league 
I'm not out of luck 
I have just enough You'll be temperamental 
I'll be control freak
 Why all of this together?
 Why does anyone do anything ever?
 Behold our little experiment 
It's alive 
And every time Every time Is the first
9.
Sunsets 04:12
How am I so old
 Days run through my hands
 Do I ever talk too much of
 Unanswered thoughts and prayers
 Who is it up to
 Why do I delight in you Beautiful day, horrible mall 
We're cleaning the lake, donate to cause
 Once wore a hat 
That 
looked a lot like 
A greater-than sign Fireworks every night
 However many sunsets you want
10.
Wait, lift this weight
 Pull the blanket 
Remove your jacket Guess I liked it
 'Cause you liked it
 They say it's good
 That's why I take it 
It isn't working 
Zen in pill form 
Message only sending out to No one 
No one knows you
 Come home
 Dressed as someone else Loud and always on
 Are we happy? Or are we just lazy?
 The TV keeps me up
 Can't sleep with it off
 They're laughing with, not at you 
Hard decisions
, soft tap water
 Lots filled up with vacant pop songs Lonely 
Lonely, not alone
 Alright
? We are not alright!

credits

released October 21, 2022

Recorded & produced by Austin Owen in Oracle, Arizona

Mastered by Timothy Stollenwerk at Stereophonic Mastering in Portland, Oregon

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Herbert Walker Phoenix, Arizona

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